Read this before seeing a therapist in Nigeria

When I decided to see a therapist, it seemed unnecessary. My close friends thought I was handling life reasonably well and didn’t see what I needed to adjust or correct. They weren’t wrong. The preconceived notion of the purpose of therapy in Nigeria is still closely related to treating extreme signs and effects of mental disorders, such that, when a person appears outwardly fine and functional, therapy is almost frowned upon.

What do you need therapy for? was the question I got.

Still, I knew I wasn’t functioning properly. I knew my coping mechanisms were catching up with me and it was only a matter of time before I crashed. Here’s how I went from deciding on my first therapy session. If you intend on taking the steps below, I strongly advise you to consider this as a long-term process you’re willing to commit to.

Step One: Decision

Deciding was the scariest part because deciding that I needed therapy meant admitting that there was an issue. An issue I wasn’t equipped to handle on my own. It also meant becoming willing to pay for psychotherapy and willingly subjecting my mind and emotions to the scrutiny of an outsider.

Deciding that I needed therapy meant letting go of my coping mechanisms — in time I would come to know that this was the toughest rock to throw away. As an adult, no one can make this decision for you. You have to take the decision and make a commitment to the process out of your free will.

Step Two: Make a list

The next step was finding a suitable therapist for me. Google is an ally, however, information on psychotherapy services offered in Nigeria is scattered across multiple websites and I needed more than one Google search to find the right mental health professional to work with.

First, I googled mental health practitioners/psychologists/psychiatrists in Nigeria and made a list of all the names, numbers, emails and addresses I could find. Luckily, some websites are more explicit than others.

Step Three: Ask Questions

With a list in hand, I needed to narrow my options down to speciality, years of experience, cost, duration of treatment and gut instincts. This is where the emails and phone numbers come in handy. I sent out emails introducing myself, specifically stating where I got their contact and then, requesting the following information:

· Location

· Area of speciality

· Certification

· Years of experience

· Preferred treatment approach including duration, frequency and cost

It’s important to be clear, direct and polite when requesting information. Keep in mind that you will be paying for these services, as such, ask what you need to know. Fortunately, I got instant responses and for those who didn’t respond via email, I proceeded to call. Make an effort to reply to every email, especially when you do not intend on pursuing the conversation, it’s basic courtesy.

Step Four: Choosing the one

After narrowing my options to two psychologists based on the factors mentioned above. It came down to who I felt most comfortable with. In this case, follow your gut. The psychologist I chose made me feel a sense of joy and peace during our conversations, in that moment, that was all I needed.

Step Five: Consultation

As a first-timer, the consultation fee wasn’t cheap. The average cost range from my research was between N15,000 to N30,000 for one consultation session, scheduled between 45 minutes to 1 hour. I didn’t know what results to expect, so whatever figure I saw seemed comparatively costly to ten other things I could be using the same amount for.

My rationalization was, my mental health is as important as my physical health and it is 100% my responsibility to take care of myself. Secondly, I considered it an investment in myself with unmeasurable returns on investment.

Most therapists will ask for a consultation fee before diagnosis and discussing a treatment plan. In my case, my therapist was based outside of Lagos. I had to travel out of town for an in-person consultation session. An in-person consultation is necessary to carry out an accurate mental health diagnosis, as everything matters including tone of voice, body language, choice of words etc. I welcomed the opportunity of leaving town for a few days as a chance to break my routine and be fully present.

Step Six: Personal Cross-Examination

The journey from the airport to the therapist’s office was nerve-racking. All I had to compare my expectations of therapy sessions to were brief scenes from movies. Not knowing what to expect made me nervous. I walked into a room with cream-white walls, a black armchair and a lady smiling broadly across the table. Before I knew it, I blurted, “How long will this take? I can only spare four weeks to fix this.”

She replied, “We’ll need to first find out what the issue is, and take it from there. Please, have a sit.”

Step Seven: Treatment plan and payment

A day after the consultation session, my therapist emailed the diagnosis from the tests I took, together with her proposed treatment plan and costs. Before that, we had discussed the cost of each therapy session during the enquiry process. So, I had an idea of how much to budget for. However, it is only after the diagnosis that you can know for sure how many sessions you might need. As stated earlier, the journey to a healthy mental state is 100% your responsibility and it’s important to work with a therapist who ensures you don’t forget this.

We scheduled a call to discuss every item on the treatment plan, what I should expect and what frequency might produce the most favourable results. I settled for one session per week, spread across twelve weeks. However, there were three items on the plan that I didn’t think were necessary, as I had already incorporated those aspects into my daily routine.

Next, I made payments for the first six sessions. I did this to test the waters. Most therapists in Nigeria will prefer such bulk payments before commencing treatment. From my research, the average range per session was N10,000 to N30,000.

Please note: There are mental health facilities that offer pre-planned packages for significantly less.

Step Eight: Get a journal

Before therapy I rarely journaled. When I did, there were random thoughts about work. Journaling my thoughts every morning helped me see the thoughts that I ruminated on. In my case, they were neither helpful nor productive. Also, it helped me keep track of my progress from my therapy sessions, and how well I incorporated the things I was learning and relearning into my daily life. As I said, it’s a long-term commitment y’all.

Step Nine: Embracing Spirituality

When you begin therapy, one of the things you’ll quickly realize is, that your therapist cannot change you. The change has to come from within you. What your therapist does is help you navigate your mind, habits, and emotions and spot patterns. They help you spot the patterns, label the issue and help you understand how to manage or eliminate the issue. The keyword here is help.

Therapy helped to uncover and label the issues I was facing but it was God who healed my pain. My therapist said how fast a person heals depends on how much they are willing to unlearn. Some people take two months, others take years.

During my journey, what encored me was the truth that healing, peace and joy were already available to me and all I had to do was learn how to open myself to them. These weren’t things I had to work hard to achieve because God has already provided these to all His children, and those who believe it, receive it.

Step ten: What to expect

Nothing remains the same after therapy. It could become worse; it should become better but nothing remains the same. It could become worse if you succumb to the temptation to quit. The reason is, that often we develop strong coping mechanisms to deal with trauma and the effects of trauma and sometimes, these coping mechanisms become comfort zones. Letting go of what you know isn’t the easiest bone to crush. This is where having a close support system to cheer you on comes in handy. It’s important to have two or three people to lean on when it becomes difficult.

For the most part, learning about myself and my proclivities was and is still intriguing and humbling. I have seen myself grow tremendously in such a short time and the biggest takeaway is, external things didn’t need to change for me to experience a more fulfilling life. I’m learning to start where I am, using what I have to become better while enjoying peace, joy and health.

Don’t be afraid to take the first step. Enjoy the process!